Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
