Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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