she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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