someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
