Plan B is the new Plan A
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
