When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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