Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
