I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
