new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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