Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
