I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
