I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
