I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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