I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize