he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
