The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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