Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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