all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
