my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
honey bunches of taint.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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