If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
