I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
