I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
whose parrot is this?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
