sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
