Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
