you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
