I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
