I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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