i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
