Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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