just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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