You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Randomize
