One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
