Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Randomize
