I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize