i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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