You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
