He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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