his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
