go do what you do best...puke behind churches
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
