so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
