Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
