you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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