please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
