I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize