I'm eating all of the evidence.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Randomize
