If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Randomize
