is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
