went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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