My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Randomize
