Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
