I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
