Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
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