Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
