wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
