I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
