Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize