I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
be right there i have to get my cape
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
