I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
