WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
