Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I still have a little drunk in my system
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
