Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
