I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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