can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
