You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
