Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize