we have pet lesbian snakes
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
