I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
