I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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