Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
