The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
She told me I should be a condom model.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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