I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
