rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
