It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
