Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
