so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
where am i from again
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
