just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
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