i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
