Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
