all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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