hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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