EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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