He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
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