He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
there is puke in my bra ... again
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
