if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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