could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
