I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
