I am puke
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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