....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
