Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
