Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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