Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
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