hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
