maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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