Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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