I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
