Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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