I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
