Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
