I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
